Your bondage wasn’t meant for me

My black skin, my strong features, my curvy figure… who am I? My self-hate, my dysfunction, my empty pockets… who am I? What did you leave behind for me? Was this your goal? Am I the one to pick up the baton you handed over to me? I don’t want it. I don’t want what you left behind, keep it all. It’s not meant for me. I keep trying to shake off what you left for me, but I can’t. It’s inside of me, your anger, pain, anguish, hate, sadness, and exhaustion. Why’d you leave that for me? You had to have known that it would hurt me. I guess you didn’t think that I didn’t want it either. This pain I get when I look in the mirror and I see me.

I have so many conflicting feelings. On one hand, I see beauty in my dark skin and my almond brown eyes. I see a crown atop of my coiled thick hair, lust in my curves, and love in my heart. But I also see you…. You. Your trauma. Suddenly my happiness diminishes, I no longer see the beauty that lies within me. I no longer have the gumption to face this world with what you left me…. Your bondage. I can’t be upset because you tried to get rid of it. You wanted to make it better for me, but I’m sorry to tell you that your trauma has passed down.  What am I supposed to do now? Must I live with what you gave me? How do I get rid of this? See you gave me both good and bad. You gave me the ability to love me and be proud of me. While the world was hating you, you were trying to make sure they accepted and loved me. I know you didn’t want me to experience the hate you received and struggles you’ve endured. You held it together you internalized it so that I wouldn’t feel it. But again your bondage wasn’t meant for me.

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7 thoughts on “Your bondage wasn’t meant for me”

  1. This was awesome, and I get you! I feel this way too. I am very proud to my skin tone, but sometimes the world around me makes me feel a certain way. Sometimes its anxiety and sometimes its anger. With all those feelings, I always come back to the fact we are unique beautiful people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! That’s the very reason I wrote it. Not to feel sorry for myself of course, but to open up people eyes. This is something that I feel like black women struggle with a lot. Thank you for taking the time to comment. 🙂

      Like

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